i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
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