I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
