I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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