bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Randomize
