dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
