If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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