i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
