Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
