she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
