But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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