when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
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