My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
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