im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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