Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
