I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
How does one acquire holy water?
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Randomize