I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize