Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize