he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
