For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
