her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
