If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Randomize
