Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Randomize
