And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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