dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
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