Dude my mom stole all your condoms
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
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