I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
