Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Randomize
