Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
