ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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