Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Randomize
