he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize