How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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