the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
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