hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
