you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
There r osticjed everywhere
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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