I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
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