was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Found the puke drawer
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
