yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
