she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
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