i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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