I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
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