I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
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