i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
