Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
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