I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
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