He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
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