Say something about gay babies.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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