if only i could text you this smell
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Randomize
