the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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