After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
