Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
