i permit you to call me
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
