Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
can u get pink eye on your cock?
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize