Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Randomize
