your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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