this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Randomize