just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
