so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
