Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
