I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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