You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
