A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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