giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
