First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
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