whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
