Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
