So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
