I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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