ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
