I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
