Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
he just fucked me for my cheese.
The Olympian is in my bed
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
